There are many advantages to adopting an “attitude of gratitude.” Being consciously and deeply grateful for what we have is emotionally helpful in so many ways. Gratitude anchors us in the present moment; where we can identify and count everything that is working well in our lives right now, instead of lurching back and forth between disappointments of the past or fears of the future. Gratitude allows everything good in life to rise to the surface and step into the forefront, right where these types of things belong. We can be grateful for so much—health, good friends, adventures, life experiences, a car that runs, feelings of safety.
There are many unhealthy states of mind that can interfere with the experience of gratitude. I’ve often considered greed, impatience, or entitlement to be the types of beliefs that not only block gratitude, but have the potential to cause harm to others. It’s also recently occurred to me how internal attitudes such as guilt, shame, insecurity, or social nervousness can be barriers to gratitude as well. These self-esteem issues don’t necessarily harm anyone but us—nobody would notice anything off-putting except perhaps overuse of the term “you shouldn’t have.” But these issues certainly can keep attention away from all the gifts and blessings of life, and what a personal loss that is.
Sometimes, at least for me, it’s actually hard to accept when good things happen—when someone is nice, when someone offers help, when someone is attentive and interested. Depending on where I am in my life—if I’m feeling confident or insecure, empowered or helpless, an act of kindness or generosity can catapult me into feelings of guilt, shame, or insecurity. So there I am, wallowing in self-inflicted and unnecessary emotional turmoil, missing out on the reality that I have wonderful people in my life and I should be floating on a cloud of grace, peace, and contentment. How silly.
By feeling insecure or paranoid about others’ positive actions, we miss out on feeling grateful for being liked and supported. By feeling guilty about not meeting ridiculously high social and familial standards, we miss out on feeling grateful for being appreciated and accepted, just the way we are. If we experience social anxiety that comes from making up negative fantasies about what other people are thinking, we miss out on being grateful that other people sincerely enjoy our company. If I feel shame or embarrassment for not being able to provide every single thing for myself by myself when accepting help, I ignore the part of me that would step up to help someone in need without giving it a second thought, and being grateful for these personal characteristics. Being grateful is such a centering, validating state of mind, but we can’t express or experience deep gratitude for things about ourselves and our lives that we deny.
Life is pretty simple--if people are being nice to you, it’s because they like you. If you are receiving blessings, it’s because you deserve it. If you are being offered help, it’s because you are naturally inclined to pay it forward, and aren’t you lucky to have people in your life who want to support you. Over-thinking these realities is energy wasted. By shedding self-deprecating beliefs, you open the doors to life as it really is. When that dark curtain is lifted, at least for me, it evokes an abundant and grateful attitude, indeed. Onward!
Nancy Goodman is a licensed counselor with an emphasis on life and career coaching. For questions or to schedule a free consultation (in-person or over the telephone), please contact Nancy at 208-406-3234 or goodnanc@yahoo.com. http://vocatusidaho.blogspotcom
1 comments:
Nancy, this is lovely. Thank you
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