Yeahbut...

Published in the Idaho State Journal and Blackfoot Morning News week of October 3, 2010


There’s a silly little word that reflects feelings of resistance, and it’s often said so quietly we almost don’t notice it’s being said at all. It’s a word that blocks every path of possibility, effectively shutting down options and creative solutions. That word is “yeahbut.” As in, “Yeahbut you don’t know my particular situation,” “Yeahbut I could never make that happen,” or “Yeahbut I lack this or that resource.”

Every gutsy venture, whether it be in relationships, business, education, or career, carries with it implied risk and possibility for failure. We know that—it’s a given, yet it’s all too easy to throw a yeahbut in front of every possibility for change and improvement. Yeahbut beliefs can be created by many things—fear, feelings of hopelessness, and perhaps even an unconscious automatic response to change. What else might be causing us to have a bad case of the yeahbuts?

Lack of information. Does anyone magically know all the small details of starting a business the moment an idea is conceived? Are we supposed to know everything about financial aid forms, admission requirements, prerequisites, or campus locations when we first consider returning to school? Are we born knowing the phone numbers and locations of domestic violence shelters, community resources, or support groups should we ever need to leave an abusive relationship? Of course not. Much of resistance to things that might be good for us stems from all the things we don’t know. But information has never been easier to access than it is today. You’re not committing to anything by peeking in a phone book or asking an expert--even if for now you’re just gathering information for information’s sake.

The stretching of your comfort zone. It’s an ancient response to have a reaction like “hark, who goes there?” or “en garde!!” when something new enters our life. Resistance to things that threaten our individual status quos is a natural, protective reaction, and heeding those instincts has been a useful survival tactic. But many times, we outgrow the safety of our comfort zones, and insisting on making do with these cramped quarters by yeahbutting back anything new or novel can be to our detriment in the long run. Resistance to change is a normal initial reaction, but consider if prolonged resistance is having a negative effect on your life’s course.

Self-esteem triggers. Yeahbuts might be rooted in deep, automatic beliefs about yourself that are based on bad data—someone saying you were worthless when you were a child, a partner pointing out your weaknesses rather than your assets. Every belief we have about ourselves or how we’re supposed to behave in life can be reevaluated at any time; it’s a remarkable freedom. We can choose to make positive decisions about our true nature that make change possible and dreams attainable, and that crack open doors that appear sealed shut. A lack of self-confidence will create barriers at every turn; but self-confidence can be cultivated over time, and this may be a vital first step to being open and welcoming of change and adventure.

Another made-up word I like to replace with yeahbut is “hmmaybe.” By saying hmmaybe we let some possibility in, flirt with the idea of accepting new information, and peek around a dark corner or two. Next time you find yourself automatically shutting down options, hmmaybe a more flexible and curious mindset can bring you closer to a life that really suits you. Onward!


Nancy Goodman is a licensed counselor with an emphasis on life and career coaching. For questions or to schedule a free consultation (in-person or over the telephone), please contact Nancy at 208-406-3234 or goodnanc@yahoo.com. http://vocatusidaho.blogspot.com.