Coping with bad days

Published in the Idaho State Journal and Blackfoot Morning News week of August 1, 2010


Bad days, or a bad few days in a row, are sometimes a part of life. Bad days come into our life for a reason—maybe something acutely traumatic has happened, or you are coming up on the anniversary of a traumatic event. Maybe something has transpired to wake up sleeping dragons such as low self-esteem, ignored resentments, or unresolved issues. Maybe your hormones are throwing a party with your well-being strung up as the piñata.

Whatever the reason, the goal isn’t to have no bad days at all, but to let those bad days in with an open mind, acknowledge the reality of emotional balancing acts as a part of life, and practice damage control so that bad days aren’t worse or more prolonged than they need to be. So what are some ways to cope with those bad days, so you can take care of yourself, maybe learn a thing or two, and apply some coping tools that build resiliency and flexibility?

Develop alternate trains of thought. While it’s easy enough to fixate on what is bothering us, it might be better to write down other things we can be spending our time thinking about instead. When I’m tangled up in negative thoughts, I like to write a list of “approved” topics to meditate on instead, such as a project I’m excited about, my positive attributes, or things that are going well in my life. I keep that list close by as a lifeline for when I’m tempted to let my mind stray into the bad-lands. That list is handy for good days as well, so we can cultivate gratitude and contentment during the easy times.

Figure out the feelings. It can be exhausting swimming in a toxic river of negativity when your unhappy chatterbox is running full-tilt. So what’s going on underneath those wretched, negative thoughts? Are you feeling angry? Scared? Insecure? Threatened? Insulted? Lonely? Vulnerable? Unimportant? Sometimes figuring out what’s underneath all those harsh words and simply repeating a phrase such as “I am scared” or “I feel alone” can reduce the verbal racecourse in your mind. Then you can take a few deep breaths, slow down, and allow the core feeling to emerge, be recognized, and addressed.

Vent it out. Emotional release is often key to getting yourself back on track mentally and spiritually. Have coffee at the home of a trusted friend and talk until you’re hoarse, process your feelings in detail in a journal of some kind, or better yet, allow a good cry. Spending an afternoon bawling your head off, boys and girls, doesn’t mean you’ll be spending the rest of your life in a padded cell. Emotional “breakdowns” are often cleansing and cathartic, and may facilitate the kind of physical and emotional exhaustion needed so you can flip the restart switch and experience life renewed.

Bad days are supposed to come and go, but sometimes bad days come, take over your living room, and start leaving dirty laundry and beer cans everywhere. If you’re having more bad days than good, or those bad days are really interfering with your ability to have a functional life, then it’s time to talk to a counselor-type who can help you navigate your inner world and figure out your range of solutions. In general, bad days will always emerge occasionally; but we have much control over how long they last, and how we take care of ourselves in the meantime. Onward!


Nancy Goodman is a licensed counselor with an emphasis on life and career coaching. For questions or to schedule a free consultation, please contact Nancy at 208-478-1414 or goodnanc@yahoo.com. http://vocatusidaho.blogspot.com.