patience, passion, suffering

Published in the Idaho State Journal and Blackfoot Morning News week of June 26, 2010

Did you know that the words patience and passion come from similar root origins, meaning “suffering?” It makes sense; pursuing one’s passion is terrifying—all that risk, loss of comfort and security, grappling with the ego dragon.

It intrigues me that patience is also linked to suffering. Or rather, impatience is. We’re impatient with our careers, with our relationships, with our level of fitness, with our place in the world. If we want something we want it now, and the wait has derailed many a great and noble intention. So how can we cultivate patience to ease the suffering of not having what we want, right now this second? As I’ve tried to increase patience in my own life, here are some thoughts:

Be less demanding of life. I’m fascinated with the Buddhist concept that we suffer because of our attachments and insistence that things be different than the way they are. We suffer—we experience fear, frustration, anxiety, anger, sadness—because we want things to be different on our timeframe, and hold on to the desire for outcomes beyond our control at the expense of our present well-being. While it is important to take action and change the things we don’t want in our life, it’s also important to remember that life unfolds on it’s own timetable whether we are patient with the mysterious process or not.

Cultivate faith. Along with the idea of accepting life on life’s terms, is the idea that maybe we are supposed to be exactly where we are for some reason. What are we supposed to learn from our particular experiences? Is there a greater story unfolding that we can’t see? Faith isn’t necessarily about going to church every week or practicing this or that religion. It seems faith is about trust; trusting that we possess particular gifts and assets for a reason, trusting our coping skills, trusting we’ll land right-side-up. Maintaining a healthy spiritual core, on your own terms, is by many considered a cornerstone of lifelong wellness.

Love what you’ve got. I wasted a lot of time when I was single lamenting the absence of a partner, growing more frustrated, self-deprecating, and impatient by the minute. How much better would I have served myself if I had focused my emotional energy on my friends, my family, my career, my interests, and developing my own unique self? In fact, it was when I started to do all this that I met my partner I had been longing for. Every day, every minute carries innumerable blessings, lessons, and gifts. What in your life is going very well? Is it your job, your health, your social life, your home, your talents? Don’t neglect all that you have on the quest for what you don’t have.

I’m a big fan of writing lists, especially during uncertain times. If you’re suffering because things aren’t the way you want them to be, it might help center yourself to write down items such as what you do and don’t have control over, what you believe about yourself and the universe on a deep level, or all the wonderful things already in your life. It seems to be part of the human condition that we don’t get what we want when we want it, but perhaps only when we no longer need it. Patience is an invaluable skill, and if you can do it well, you won’t even realize you’re waiting for anything at all. Onward!

Nancy Goodman is a licensed counselor with an emphasis on life and career coaching. For questions or to schedule a free consultation (in-person or over the telephone), please contact Nancy at 208-478-1414 or goodnanc@yahoo.com.