Independence!

Versions published in the Idaho State Journal and Blackfoot Morning News week of July 4, 2010

Independence Day. Our holiday to celebrate a fledgling US cleaving away from Mother Britain to forge her own destiny, such as it is. We fought for independence and freedom, and won the equal right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness—and by the 1960’s and 1970’s, most US citizens were covered under that plan. Say what you will about the mess-du-jour at the White House—we don’t get shot trying to vote, we aren’t plagued with constant civil war or guerilla attacks, the average citizen doesn’t get hunted down for wearing or being the wrong thing. The problem with all this freedom is that most of the time, we only have ourselves to blame if our life isn’t how we want it.

Freedom and independence are interesting notions, especially on an individual level. So as you hit the clearance sales for red, white, and blue paper plates or fancy fireworks to burn your neighborhood down with next year, consider your own state of freedom and independence. What do you want independence from? What might you like to free yourself from, untangle yourself from in your life, once and for all?

It seems that many times, the primary barrier between us and a better life is a psychological barrier. Yes, there’s economics, kids to feed, and bills to pay, but there are too many people out there who don’t let those factors hold them back to give such excuses a permanent place in your life. Whether we are happy or not, pursuing our goals or not, or handling challenges optimistically or not, depends on how well we’ve cleared our own way to do so.

So, do you live under the thumb your own fears? Do you draw constant fire from your low self-esteem? Do you tear yourself to pieces with anger, conflict, or drama? Do you toil under the weight of unnecessary guilt and shame?

The mind can be our harshest oppressor or bravest freedom-fighter, and we get to pick. So often we limit ourselves, keep ourselves down, without really knowing why or even that we’re doing it at all. Garbage from our past, how someone made us feel about ourselves, our default attitudes about the world, all conspire to keep us nice and stuck. Depressed, helpless, stressed-out, brassed-off. Wouldn’t it be great to be free and independent of all that?

We’re not supposed to be content and happy all the time—we have a range of emotions that are there for a reason. Dips into the abyss, off-days, or bad moods are part of our emotional checks and balances—suggesting what we need to learn, what direction we might want to grow towards, or how we can take better care of ourselves. But to navigate the way out, to know what’s healthy and unhealthy, to try on different attitudes or experiment with different behaviors can be a liberating experience indeed.

It’s a common expression that “freedom isn’t free,” and that can apply to our personal, emotional freedom as well. We have to risk to feel safe, we have to lose to win, we have to make mistakes to improve our best selves, we have to expose our dark places to enjoy the brilliant fireworks display of life on our own terms. This is a lifelong process, and some days are harder than others. But with resilience, patience, and practice, every day can be Independence Day. Onward!

Nancy Goodman is a licensed counselor with an emphasis on life and career coaching. For questions or to schedule a free consultation (in-person or over the telephone), please contact Nancy at 208-478-1414 or goodnanc@yahoo.com.