The ABC's of REBT

Published in the Idaho State Journal and the Blackfoot Morning News week of June 20, 2010

Is it possible that our own belief systems drive whether we are happy or sad, feel good or bad about ourselves, or how other people affect us? Dr. Albert Ellis (1913-1997), father of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, says yes. A key component of his theory is the concept of irrational beliefs; that what we think about our world, our capacity, and what we deserve in life is often innocently flawed, and is ultimately to blame for prolonged negative feelings. He offers a simple A-B-C (D-E) formula to describe what happens to us, and why we end up feeling the way we do in many less-than-ideal situations.

A—Activating experience. Something happens. We get criticized at work, blown off for a date, cut off in traffic. This event is ultimately neutral—it means nothing until we assign meaning to it, and every person will have a different reaction to these life experiences.

B— (Irrational) Belief about the experience. This is where we get into trouble. The activating experience triggers a belief we have about ourselves, others, or the world. “”I am totally worthless,” “She has no right to do that to me,” or other self-deprecating and hostile beliefs get in the way of our well-being. Ellis described some of these patterns of rigid, irrational beliefs as “I-can’t-stand-it-itis,” “awfulizing,” or “musterbation.”

C—Consequences of beliefs. If you believe that unless you do everything perfectly you are a terrible, awful person, then of course you will feel really bad about yourself when you make a mistake. If you believe that you must be in control all the time, then of course you will feel angry when you aren’t. Emotional consequences of these irrational beliefs can include depression, anger, anxiety, or low self-esteem. Social consequences of these irrational beliefs can include damaged or dependent relationships, chronic work conflict, or jail time.

Fortunately, this negative life pattern doesn’t have to end here. Once we are aware of our self-defeating thinking and belief patterns, we can do something about it. These beliefs can be adjusted over time, and we continue the A-B-C pattern with better results.

D—Disputing irrational beliefs. Are you really a terrible loser if this thing or that thing doesn’t work out? Or, while you wish things were different, can you still believe you’re a great person with lots of potential? Must everyone who hurts, insults, or disappoints you be a terrible person who deserves your vengeful ire, or can you believe that everyone is imperfect, and if someone has behaved imperfectly towards you that doesn’t make them a bad person overall? Disputing irrational beliefs and making new beliefs stick takes practice, so be patient with the process.

E—New Effect or Emotional Consequence. Once we’ve softened our belief system to be more flexible, self-loving, and realistic, we become less angry, depressed, fearful or intimidated. Disputing irrational beliefs doesn’t necessarily free us of sadness or disappointment—if we are fully living life, we are going to be sad and disappointed at times. But sad and disappointing experiences don’t need to be made worse by harsh judgment of ourselves and others, black-and-white thinking, or believing everything is a total disaster.

There are a lot of tools and strategies out there to train the brain to re-frame, and Ellis provides us with some handy insight about what might be causing stress and unhappiness. So if you are feeling bad, remember your ABCs and explore how you, and you alone, can change your life for the better. Onward!

Nancy Goodman is a licensed counselor with an emphasis on life and career coaching. For questions or to schedule a free consultation (in-person or over the telephone), please contact Nancy at 208-478-1414 or goodnanc@yahoo.com.