Disclaimer: This column is about anger. Please wrap everything you love in bubble-wrap before proceeding.
I see emotions as on a color wheel; shades of happiness, sadness, fear, and anger. Anger is a healthy and illuminating emotion when managed and understood, but it’s hard to find an area in today’s society where anger isn’t being choked out of the picture altogether. No anger allowed. Denied.
But anger is energy, and that energy needs to be released somewhere. Often it’s dumped into the laps of our family, friends, coworkers, or strangers in traffic. For such a bright emotion, it’s interesting how easy it is to disguise, even from ourselves. Just because nothing’s getting broken (noses, dishes, the sound barrier), it doesn’t mean we’re not angry. Anger can hide in the subtler shades of resentment, irritability, or frustration.
Anger it’s a signal that something in our life needs to change, and change yesterday. Anger lets us know that something isn’t right in our inner or outer worlds. Anger has fistfuls of information about our selves, our needs, and our life lessons. How can we manage this emotional hot potato so we can utilize the information it provides?
Channel the energy. Anger is an emotional and physical wake-up call—filling our bodies with heat and noise. We feel it in our cheeks, it makes our hands and eardrums shake, we describe “seeing red.” Sometimes, that wake-up call is long overdue. While depression and anxiety paralyze, anger can be the adrenaline shot we need to take control and take action. The key is to release that anger energy in ways that do no harm. Screaming into a pillow, or screaming Ani Difranco or Tool lyrics in your car with the music volume on 11. The energy of anger can even boost productivity if it’s directed towards exercise, housework, or other physical projects.
Figure out the source. Who or what are you really angry at? Be sure to consider “Yourself” and “God” in your list of suspects. It’s ultimately pointless to be angry at other people, because we can’t control or change other people. Doesn’t that just brass you off? Anger often surrounds a tender, injured, fragile self, and unchecked, undeserved self-hatred and self-doubt can cause anger to leak everywhere. And what about God? Life can be intensely unfair and hurtful, but ultimately it’s surrender and acceptance of the mystery and greater powers of the universe that brings us peace. Doesn’t mean we can’t be mad about that arrangement first.
Assemble an anger management team. Anger isn’t fun. It’s a terribly valid
feeling (most of the time, and to a point), but it throws around lots of issues we’d just as soon never address, ever. Hard to ignore when you’re dodging them in a tornado of anger. So get some help, because it’s good to have support while you’re trying to figure things out. Get the girls together, hit the river with your fishing buddy, call a mental health professional, or visit clergy—whatever is healthy, supportive, and productive.
Chronic anger is a call to change, and the only thing we can control and change is ourselves. What do we need to let go of? What assumptions, demands, or other thinking errors are causing us misery? Anger resolution is a process that takes time and personal exploration. Anger can also be the bright torchlight that leads us out of darkness and confusion, if we’ll let it. Onward!
Nancy Goodman is a licensed counselor with an emphasis on life and career coaching. For questions or to schedule a free consultation (in person or over the telephone), please contact Nancy at 208-478-1414 or goodnanc@yahoo.com. http://vocatusidaho.blogspot.com.
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