So much of wellness comes down to how we negotiate our relationships in life—relationships with friends, family, coworkers, strangers. There are pals who come and go, coworkers we love and hate, and family sane or otherwise. Sometimes, a big unsettling change can plummet into your social life. You divorce and end up ‘splitting the friends’. All of your close friends, in a short time-frame, move away, or you are the one heading down the driveway with the moving van. You decided your current friends, for one reason or another, were really, really bad for you. Or, the worst social upheaval of all (to say the absolute least)--someone you love dies. Social transition--one minute you know and feel comfortable around familiar people, and the next minute you don’t.
Some people prefer to have a lot of friends, and somehow manage to keep up with all of them, and some people lose track of more than one or two people at a time. But should those relationships end, evolve, get temporarily strained, or become long-distance meaning you’ve lost your best going-out-in-public buddies, rebuilding a social network can feel very uncomfortable. Making new friends can be challenging if you are with a partner, and even harder if you are doing so alone. So what do you do when your social circle dissolves or changes? What are some safe, positive techniques that people can use to rebuild social networks? Here are a few thoughts:
1: Seek out like-minded people. Remember how Marsha from the Brady Bunch decided to sign up for all those school clubs in order to fit in? Don’t do that—you’ll burn yourself out in two minutes and people will only know you as “the blur.” But Marsha did have the right idea—wherever you live, there are a myriad of activities to get involved in that suit almost any taste. Think about what activities you personally enjoy or what causes you personally support, and there is likely a group of people like you out there doing or supporting just that. They might even go out for coffee and do other things socially together as well.
2: Get comfortable in your own skin and fly solo. Many people would prefer to have a root canal without anesthesia than go to dinner or catch an interesting event by themselves. The intimidation of doing things alone in public can be daunting. But rather than build resentment against the circumstances that left you without a social network on the night a really good concert is in town, be safe, smart, and go by yourself. First, life is too short to miss out on the things you enjoy because there isn’t a warm body occupying the space next to you; and second, staying at home feeling intimidated and resentful does nothing to increase the chances of meeting new and interesting people serendipitously. Volunteering is a great way to get out to some big events on your own as well. Many social events rely on volunteers, and volunteer service provides great opportunities to help out the community and meet new people at the same time.
Social relationships constantly evolve throughout the lifespan. People move in and out of each others lives, sometimes like the wind. It is perfectly alright to be in need of new social relationships, and part of having an abundant, positive, and satisfying life is to get out there and find them as needed. Onward!
Bio: Nancy Goodman is a licensed counselor with an emphasis on life and career coaching. For questions or to schedule a free consultation (in-person or over the telephone), please contact Nancy at 208-478-1414 or goodnanc@yahoo.com.
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